New seasons

So after reading through my previous blogs {can you say narcissistic?} I have decided that I need a makeover. New look, new attitude, and new writing content. I know less than 5 people read me, but I am not doing it for you. This is for me. Not for show, not for looks. I find myself in the same place over and over and wonder why. I think it all comes back to me. Attitude. Outlook. People I surround myself with. I am starting to realize that if you want things in life, you have only yourself to depend on. Now don't get me wrong...this is not a new concept to me. It just comes down to actually DOING something about it. I find myself broke. I find myself alone. I find myself in places I don't want to be and so I bolt. I am coming to terms with this: The surroundings I am in do not make me. They do not determine my happiness. Nothing will get better or worse because I decide I don't like the way things are going and decide to put on my gypsy hat and get packin'. I think I am where I want to be. Not sure if it is because I am thoroughly exhausted with moving, but because I realize it makes no difference where I am. I will make my home where we are now, and live with it. Maybe even come to love it. Only time will tell. I am resolving to write more often because it helps me sort out my feelings. Therefore, I am going to try and write EVERY DAY about what I have done that day and see if I am ultimately working towards my goals. So I guess the first logical step is to wrack my brain and see what I want. Here's what I have so far:

Goal#1: Lose weight. My ultimate goal being to get back down to 160. Sounds like a lot as far as todays society goes, but I am a realist after all. I won't tell you what I weight right now because I am not quite ready to admit that. Which brings me to the next goal.

Goal#2: Learn to love myself. I think as far as importance, this should be number one but I am simply listing these as they come to me. How can anyone love me if I don't love myself? I think this is true. I have been through things that most people cannot conceive, especially a parent. Naturally, guilt goes hand in hand with what I have endured and it can eat away at your very core. But that's another blog.

Goal#3: Find a career. I'm not saying go to work somewhere I have to retire from, but some long term employment would do wonders for my resume...as well as my at-a-glance work ethic.

Goal#4: Start paying off old debt. I don't have much, and the bulk of it actually comes off my credit report in 2012. What doesn't, I am going to start making small payments to the collectors. Attempting to better my credit will help me in my next goal.

Goal#5: Buy a house, or at least attempt to save up for a down payment in the next five years {realistically towards the latter part of those five}

Goal#6: Get divorce. Plain and simple.

Now. I think those are very amiable goals. I will now examine what I am doing to get closer to reaching them. As far as my weight loss goal, I have been exercising with a friend very frequently. I do not get to go every day to her house every day and yes I use this as an excuse. But when I do go, we do the Wii Fit for at least one hr. We also try to walk every day. Sometimes it's around her neighborhood and sometimes we go to Medal Of Honor Park. We meet my Mom there with her charge, Leo, and walk once around the track. As for my other goals, I am searching for a job. At this point, I cannot really focus on a career per se, because my funds are so low that it is now a dire situation. More on that later. For now, I will add new pics and give my blog an overhaul.