Sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Why? Why do people think they deserve chance after chance after chance after fucking chance? And WHY do I feel sorry for them when it's their own doing and they can't even own up to it or even admit the problem? Am I crazy? Probably so. I am so tired of being used and abused and just sick of the one I love the most feelings getting hurt in the process. Okay not so much feelings getting hurt, just her being confused and that's not cool. So now it's up to me to suck it up, deal with everything in a way that protects her FIRST. I AM THAT MOTHER LION so stay out of my path and so help me god stay away from my cubs if you can't get your shit together.

2 months

In two blissful months from now, I will be a new woman. On paper anyway. Let's see, been separated going on six years....Yeah sounds like it's time. Stick a fork in me, I'm done. I really need to write more often. I don't know why, I don't think anyone even reads this thing anymore. I think it's good for you to jot things down, what you think and are feeling at the time so you can go back and see how much you've grown in your life, whether it be spiritually, emotionally, etc. I have decided on a career which is cool. I want to be {drumroll, please.........okay let's reword that>>>ahem: I will be starting my classes on April 20th 2009 to major in BACHELOR OF SCIENCE IN ELEMENTARY EDUCATION WITH AN EMPHASIS IN ENGLISH. That's right folks, RainWoman at her best, world look out!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

I love this time of year...My Grandma is busy making all sorts of candies to hand out to everyone, the radio is playing Christmas music, there is snow on the ground...it makes me feel all cozy and warm. Now all I need to do is get started shopping! I think that's when you know you've grown up when you would rather buy and give for others than receive. I haven't bought much yet since I just started a new job but by this time next week I plan on being done and have everything wrapped and under the tree. My tree is so pretty this year, I'm really proud of it. So much has changed since my last post...I am still in West Virginia and Gracie and I have a new apartment and a car...which is a total p.o.s by the way...I have a special someone but not real sure where it's headed...lord knows I have a tendency to wear my heart on my sleeve and this time around I am trying to use my head. It's complicated so I won't go there. Too much he said she said and family disapproval and I'm just aggravated with the whole shebang. So that's all for now and I'll try to post more for those friends who actually read this and want to know what's going on in my life.

Broken Record Player

That's what I'm beginning to sound like. I am moving AGAIN!!! It's a little ridiculous at this point. Todd and me, yeah, not so much. Me and Baby G are mid-pack right now and leave out Saturday in the am. Fun stuff let me tell you. Let's just hope we can keep all our teeth!

Packing sucks!

I am so excited! We are getting out of this house-finally! Yeah I know we just moved in here late February-but I have hated it since the day we moved in! So we are going back to our "redneck roots" and moving into a trailer! WOOHOO!!! LOL Only in Alabama, right? Cool thing is, it's the biggest one they make and it's a NEW one. Siding and shingled roof with a huge covered porch and a HUGE yard...Gracie will appreciate that!!! She has NOWHERE to play at this house and cries because she wants to go outside all the time-but all we can do is take her on the porch or go to the park....Granted, we are moving way out in Semmes but we are saving over 200 in rent, it's all electric so there will be no gas bill {which HAS been running us 100-130 bucks a month} and the water is on a pump so bye bye water bill! SWEET!Not to mention, they ripped out all the carpet and put down ceramic tile, it has been stripped of ugly wallpaper and painted neutral blues and browns, it has the kitchen cabinets that look like stained glass, a garden tub and walk-in shower, 3 BR/2 BA, on its own lot, and a HUGE walk in closet!!!! I can't tell you how happy I am but man do I drea moving all our shit. Now for the fun part....PACKING. Ugh.

Ponder this

Sometimes I find myself wondering "is there more to this life"?...I think that's the age old question. I sit and wonder if, when I was a little girl, if this is what I would have pictured for myself...what I wanted. The answer is different for everyone...some days I think..NO!!! It's not! I never wanted to be broke and overweight with a broke down car and a crappy rental house. Those are the bad days. Luckily, they are few and far between...Then I snap out of it and realize...hey! Wake up! You're in fairly good health, you have a roof over your head, your family is close by and you have the sweetest baby girl in the world. Reality check, sister. People have far less than you. Then that little sneaky voice comes in with "some have far more, too..." I try my damnedest to ignore that little bitch who rubs things in my face. {my conscience..} Reading back over this, I am starting to wonder if doc should up my zoloft!!!! HAHA

Tummy trouble

OMG all I can say is DON'T EAT KRYSTALS!!!! I have felt like pure t. dogshit since we ate it day before yesterday...never again!! I'm still not feelin' this house or my new job so I am kinda down in the dumps right now. I'll write again when the sun comes out.